Transformation – The crossover from life to death

GOLD * DUST  aka Death. 

I still remember the day you died. The way you died.

However, the way I remembered it was much MUCH more beautiful than the other more gruesome bedside version that was what others saw.  I’m lucky, I guess. I was sitting alone in a friend’s darkened make-shift home made studio. It reeked of fresh epoxy & rubber. The darkness was necessary for what I was about to witness, it turns out. At the very least it felt safe from the intensities of the hospital I had left along with some of his nearest and dearest.  Those who were becoming fast aware that these were in fact his very last days.  I struggled with my tears when I burst out into the large empty car park and into the fog of midnight that night, doing my best to be strength where others crumbled.  Deep breath gave me moisture and temporary comfort – trees swayed into my step, each click my heels took me away from the sliding doors and from his body on its swift journey into dust.

Getting back to the neighborhood and climbing into that blissfully blank womb of a room, my aloneness at what could be perceived as a sure upcoming ‘loss’ was then overcome by a distinct sense of relief.  As my body sighed into the give of the egg carton shaped walls, a breath gushed out and through me that brought with it my first clear awareness of Death.  In my minds eye, (or my new stage show, lit from within) he was there – running.  His features were still, calm, unmoved.  He looked ahead without flinching, his Asian features resounding a mood I am still yet to put into words.  As the picture grew in intensity, so did an iridescence beyond my imagination, which began to glow through him. A pulse.  Soon, his edges began smoldering as if a knife of gold were melting through his very bodily lines – the places where his exterior joined to the infinite, now blasted through like gleaming laser beams blurring out his expression with its brilliance.  I watched on, completely enraptured as my entire body bore witness to this beauty.  With each and every molecule of my being – I sighed, knowing…

He was leaving.

Running faster still, this glowing image moved into its next stage – transforming beams into particles now moving about, oscillating in little golden clusters, pinpricks of light playing about the space.  Eventually they spread apart like dust from a fairy’s hip flask, spinning around the world and tinkling with a silent sort of laughter before coming back together to meet one last time. I held my breath for the finale. They danced, courting the space over the atmosphere of our Earth, as if they were communing right then and there with all of life itself.  Then taking one tiny pause, exploded into star-like-star-brights-ten million starry starry nights with enough output to start a new universe.. all in one fantastic puff.

Fade to black.

Eyes still shut – my lungs then promptly emptied of air & all tension hence vanishing.  Right then, by my right knee, the face of my phone lit with a message of 4 short words, which I could clearly read without lifting an eyelid:  He’s gone now Venus.

“Yes I know” I said to the silence, and along with it absolutely any fear of Death.

(****I wanted to write “R.I.P Mike” but it seems absurd after experiencing what I did. Instead I’ll just say: Thankyou Mike.  I love you!!****)

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